“Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.”
~ Ellen Degeneres, Tulane Commencement Speech – 2009
This post almost didn’t happen. The first hang up I experienced was the intimidation I felt about writing on something that is so personal (to me and to others). And… I am definitely not an expert. I am barely on the other side of things, looking back…and understanding how all this happiness & growth happened! Anyways, I decided to push past the fear and start writing. Then, during some really wonderful moments of clarity, I began to write with a little more ease. The next day, I realized my work was not saved. Grrr! I thought, “either I am not supposed to write this…or since it’s a challenge for me to be this transparent ~ maybe, this is a lesson.”
And so here we are!
I tend to look at most of my life experiences as lessons. Not just the silly “fear of writing” stuff ~ but the toughest moments of my life lessons as well. We all go through ‘devastation’ in our lifetime. Maybe there is a bigger reason or purpose for this. Maybe we’re supposed to learn: Compassion?…..Forgiveness?…..Love.
For me, some of these lessons I’ve been learning seem to be life’s greatest lessons. It may even be one of the reasons I am here. To go from surviving to thriving. But it’s tough to not let the experiences swallow you up. Or to let your experiences change you…leaving you with fear, self sabotage, trust issues, etc. It can be hard not to get stuck in this place.
The “real” you is free and peaceful. Light, happy and balanced. This is how we come into the world! I don’t know about you ~ but it has been my goal to get back to that inner-state.
So, what has continued to help me? A lot of healing and a lot of hard-inner-work. Sounds like no fun? In my opinion, it’s about whether you’re willing and ready to do ‘the work’ or not….. but it’s also about asking yourself ~ how bad do you want: ___________? (Change? Happiness? Relationship? Balance? Peace? Healing?)
Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life eight years ago, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.
~ Tony Robbins
Tony Robbins is one of my good ol’ favs. He kicks your butt into gear. There is a time for healing and gentleness. But, there’s also a time where you might want to ask yourself if you need to take action.
Doing the inner-work and being inquisitive is one of the ways we can move from ‘devastation’….or surviving, to THRIVING!
Along the way, I’ve found the below tips to be very helpful:
-Transparency: This involves being crystal clear with yourself and with others. I think this is difficult because it forces you to be vulnerable. Speaking your truth is freeing! It also allows others to understand what you’re dealing with ~ and can invite support, growth and healing.
-Community: We can’t do this alone! So, it’s helpful to have a positive community of friends, or a counselor that can be a sounding board. This can also mean getting off the couch (or outta bed) and getting into the community to volunteer. Helping others is a great way to give what you desire to gain. It feels so good to help others!
-Self Love: I think this may be the foundation for everything else in life. This means taking care of: you! It can also mean, softening that ‘little voice in your head’…the inner critic. Allowing yourself the time and space to process and heal is key. Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Try taking the time to do things that truly nourish and fulfill you. (i.e. bubble baths, hikes, journal writing, cooking, etc.)
-Healing: We’re so lucky to live in a time where ‘getting help‘ is totally normal. There are also so many incredible resources and modalities to choose from. Everyone is different, so check out any of these that pique your interest (or all!): massage, acupuncture, reiki, therapy, yoga, meditation, prayer, books…..and (duh), Oprah! 🙂
Let go. And, all is coming.
Oh…..and, always ‘Save Draft.‘
Lots and lots of love